Australia dodges a bullet!

`Look out Terry!' Said Senior Detective Mike Flap to his young Constable sidekick, Terry Tickle. `He's across the road with a 303 behind the Kingswood! Have you got im?' `Yeah Sir.' Said Constable Tickle though gritted teeth. `Right then' Said Flap, `take out Latham and I'll get inside and get the kids out'.
So goes the dialogue on the Australian Cop drama;`Bastard Squad' and so it seems it would apply in real life as `The Latham Diaries' goes on sale.

With assistance from the `Darwin Office', here are some extracts from the dripping pages of bile and hatred that are `The Latham Diaries'.
Nov 2 2003
"Just found out the my ex wants to be a f----g lessie...NOW she tells me...and I just threw out her mobile number.Hope Warnie still has it."

Feb 5 2004
`...Had the shits with that 4 eyed prick again today.(Kevin Rudd) Always contradicting me. This time it was bringing the troops back from Iraq for Christmas. I stormed into his office and found him tickling and playing with Kim Beazley on the floor in front of his desk. Beazly was rolling about giggling and spitting while Rudd tickled his tummy making poofy high pitched squeals. Really odd shit I've gotta say. Is this the Labour Party of the 21st Century!? Noticed Kim drools a lot too. Eeuw!

30 Jul 2004
"Geez I hope I don't get this f-----g Prime Minister'll be so stressful and boring. Except for Julia."

22 Aug 2004
"If I'm Prime Minister, I wonder if I can get Russell Crowe to be an advisor. He'd be f----n' great!"

23 Aug 2004
"I wonder if George Bush's daughters are still into those big lessie bucks nights??"

15 Sept 2004
Working in Parliment Office tonight, looked up to see Beazley with his face pressed against the window staring at me. I blinked and he was gone. Got up to look outside and saw him and Bob McMullen running around the corner giggling. (he is sooo back benched tomorrow) No one in my starff(sic) believes me. Told Julia, she just nodded and muttered something under her breath and flicked her hair the way she does.My crush on her is getting stronger. She's so pretty she makes my toes curl...and yet, there's something sad about her too......

28 October 2004
"Mmmmmm cheese....."

15 November 2004
I'm never talking to Gough ever ever ever again. Joel said he told Bill that Robert mentioned to Sue in the gallery something about not having the `moxy' to run the country. I mean Gough said that! About ME!? Stupid old C---t! F--k I hate old people - but even Gough turning on me. This is the last staw...must get Geraldine to refill them, can't drink Fanta from a glass, the bubbles get up my nose.'

10th January 2005
Bloody hell! Now they're all whinging cause I didn't say anyfing about the Suna, tsamm, tsunar, Tidal wave that wiped all the rich bastards on holidays out of India and Thaisland. Serves em right I reckon. They should've been like me and the missus. Take the kids to Terrigal! It's perfect holiday spot and only Joel knows I'm there...though he still hasn't guessed I'm bungin' the sickie on yet.....he's my best friend but fair dinkum he's stupid.
Ross Carroll1 Comment