If you see this man, approach cautiously and with strong underwear.



Catch up!

Another day, another doughnut. In my reality, life is busy, pleasant and prosperous, which is a nice suprise. Lately I've made several commercials for the Tellyfish.
I'll put them up for everyone to see before christmas. Then you can gather the entire family, including Nanna, around the steam driven audio-visual broadcast receptor device and giggle with nervous astonishment at the images you will see.
Then you can go to the toilet.

So I won't mention anymore about them until I work out how to get them up onto this blog. Where am I at? Well I'm still working on my book. I've about 6 pages of images to sketch up and then I'll begin rendering them on my computer (which has had a severe beating this year - it's been very naughty and delinquant. I think it's back on the mend but I'm eyeing off those new quad core computers with lustful eyes...and I've even been contemplating moving to Macintosh.)


The best Job in the world!

Last year I was employed in the last week to Christmas as an emergency Santa at David Jones in Newcastle after the previous Santa walked out in the middle of his shift and never returned. `Chopper' Clause as he became known, would yell at any parents and children who didn't stop in and say hello. He'd argue with staff and told them of elaborate and foolproof plans on beating up people who owed him money in the stairwell while a friend of his was filling in for him as Santa. ("and no one will know it was me cause Santa was still in `is chair talkin' to the kiddies." "But you just told me?!" "oh.") `Chopper' Clause was not the brightest light on the Christmas Tree from all accounts.


Santa's Helpers, `Gorgeous' Georgie Panopolous and `Fitful' Connie relax between installing children onto Santa's lap for a talking too.

I have to say that 99% of the children I see have been great. They either stare in awe (sometimes disturbingly so...so much I get concerned for their mental health) Others react with total terror or different degrees of fear. But the best ones just run up and give Santa big hugs and excitedly tell him what they would like for Christmas. It truely melts my heart. I've had a little girl ask for Dinosaurs, a tiger (real!) Their parent's jewelry to be fixed after something broke them (couldn't quite catch what she said broke them) One little boy asked for his Dad to quit smoking.

I've only had one time where the children were genuinely naughty and I told one nasty, fat little girl that she was getting coal for christmas. She was really pissing Santa off. One of my helpers told me later that her Mum said ("You should've seen her face when Santa told her she was getting coal.") Well I hope she does. She was a nasty, bullying, rude girl and her sister wasn't much better. Santa usually gives out a Christmas Crown and an activity book to all the children who come to visit. These kids made me feel aweful and sick in the stomach so they got nothing. (although I saw Mum swipe one off the counter - grrrr).

Well that's all for now. Keep an eye out between now and Christmas, I'll write up some more Santa experiences and upload the commercials I made as well.