Ross Carroll

View Original

A diary worthy incident

I thought I might post some things that either happen to me or I observe. I'm reading David Sedaris' new book, Volume one of his diaries ' Theft by finding'.  They contain little observations and such like from his diaries and they are utterly him which is a wonderful thing if you've ever read his other books. I'm rather more verbose but as I'm reading I realised that I notice some things in life, in my own way, that are at least similar and at most, not. 

See this Amazon product in the original post

For instance;

A few days ago, Mum and I had been talking about how scientists had concluded that Neanderthal man, all those years ago, had not so much been wiped out by our common ancestral species so much as they'd been interbred out of existence. Many of us still retain neanderthal DNA deep within our genes. I like to picture them within a lost, moss covered treasure chest on a remote strand of this DNA but you've got to admit, it's a much pleasanter way for your species to go than being whacked over the head or something. Did cavemen stab each other?

So there we were, Mum and I, at the Salamander Shopping Centre with Dad, having a coffee and a breakfast of toasted sandwiches when a chap who, I kid you not, looked like a neanderthal, walks into the centre and starts talking earnestly to some other chap he's seen on his way out of the centre. Possibly they spoke about how his family had been interbred out of existence by this other chaps sister. "The end of the line stops with me goddamit" he possibly said, "we've held on for so long and now that's it for us!"  "I'm really sorry about that" the other chap posssibly replied. "I mean, my sisters a slut but she's her own slut and you've got to give her some sort of credit for that at least."  It may have possibly gone something like that. But more than likely they were just discussing where they could score some ice. 

Later, and further down inside the shopping centre. I was walking alongside my old dad when we saw the neanderthal chap walking toward us a bit of a way off. Just in front of us walked a young chap of our own species of human in a dark blue t-shirt. As they passed, the neanderthal chap turned back suddenly and aggressively enquired to other young chap as to what was he looking at. The other young chap then countered with the obvious "what are you looking at?"  At this point my father and I are well and truly and physically in the middle of this idiotic verbal tennis match. We both felt the tension around us build and an unsaid thing passed between us to move on in case this encounter escalated into something the Daily Telegraph might later describe as 'unfortunate'.  

Thats pretty much it. They continued enquiring as to what each other were observing until a security guard returning from a toilet break rounded the corner and they both broke apart to pursue other conversations of great wit.