Newcastle Police employ new tactics on war on crime
In somewhat heroic efforts to further personal clerical duties, police in Newcastle have hit upon a method of identifying potential Serial Killers in the local area.
Sgt, Const Gerb Hulffn of the Newcastle Domestic Duties Squad today told the Newcastle Herald through an interpreter, that they will be going door to door throughout the city to identify the quiet loners in the area. "We now know that serial killers are not the single mothers, young folk and homeless vagrants we normally associate with this sort of crime." He said. "They are a cunning enemy and try not to draw attention to themselves."
Encouraged to go further by his sniggering associates he went on to say, "We encourage anyone who has a neighbour who is polite, well mannered, keeps to themselves and plays any sort of board game, to come forward and point them out to us.
We need to arrest these perverts before they begin molesting and killing pretty, nubile, young women for their soft, tanned skin to wear and knitting their pubic hair into interesting handy crafts to sell at local markets."
Sgt Hulffn then held up a so called `Dream Catcher' popular with the young folk, as an example of the sort of objects they were looking for. On passing it around to other members of his elite squad to examine and gently smell, he praised the Newcastle Herald for their clearly worded Saturday Form Guide. "I find the yellow paper used in the fold out section particularly soothing to my eyes." He said.